Told him I wasn’t going to discuss anything with him, then for the next 4 days continued to come to my home in a rage, told me he and his brother (my ex) are going to hurt me. something you wrote really brought up something my narc wife said in the past. They were terrible friends. aj you must leave i am here because i have a mother who is unbearable so i just happen to come across your post. My fiancé is way too verbally weak & emotional to stand up to her, nor can the rest of the family. A huge relief as I was wondering what I did wrong and how he could treat me as he did. I hope you have or are moving on with your own life. But let me be perfectly clear:  Standing up to a narcissist is not going to make your dealings with them easier, though it might feel really good to do it, and they may acquiesce (don’t hold your breath!). Do exactly what they do to you. Thank you for sharing, sister!….xo. He replied several hours later, “not now, maybe later”. and pension. He’s also bipolar (used that as an excuse the first time). Keep in mind that, to a narcissist, this kind of bullshit never gets old. Luckily her parents realize what she is like (though I think no one has considered she may have NPD) and they really like me, so they are not even taking her side. As difficult as extricating yourself from the relationship may seem to you, staying in will be more difficult and for much longer. So 1 1/2 years later, I find myself STILL engaged as others have gone through their engagement and marriage having known someone far shorter of a time than we have. Depending on how far the conversation went, she will either leave it at that, and I will have gained or lost nothing or she will start a smear campaign against me and I will explain to my fiancé & possibly also his parents that it’s simply not possible for me to deal with her until either he becomes stronger and stands up to her himself, or I become a zen master with endless compassion for all sentient beings. Don’t argue. She is 71 and had boyfriend within year of brother passing.i asked about money for mom and she said to use 7000 I got from trailer and moms doc secur and she would pay half of assisted living. He paid for my vehicle and kept track of the mileage. It it’s all in lies these stalkers told him to further isolate me and prove they can turn even the brightest againce me. My response, if I’m not mistaken, was to have sex with him right there on the studio floor. And on your way to the door, stop blaming yourself, because it isn’t your fault. Hopefully he learned that you will NOT put up with his garbage anymore. You may also enjoy my curated Facebook page, where I connect to articles on positive change, communication, persuasion and conflict resolution. Obviously, whoever was on the other receiving end of his narcissistic evil was – and still is – being compliant. And the third part is moving away, so as not to become their narcissistic supply. This was a sarcasm he floated out from time to time. I keep giving him the benefit of the doubt, but it seems like they’re all just empty promises. You are never obligated to take care of other people’s children. This is so right and so important to do in order to really make the break. About eight hours earlier, he had finally called wanting to see after six weeks of absolute silence. He has a gambling problem lost his job stealing from company, now he has refused to give me w 2 forms. This is the best way to play with their heads. Just Saturday night I realized how bad it really is when we went to see our cousin play music. Narcissists only return in order to keep you in the queue OR to always keep the narcissist in the back of you mind. My daughter rejected him and he just dissapeared. It sometimes after years of the evil you have to find a way to stop them . Or sometimes I’d just look at him so sadly and say, “Because I keep hoping you’ll change”. I really have waited a lot of years for a change in him yet thats is not coming, his illness really does come first! They don’t see the need for change. It’s just how they function, honestly. #3 Stop calling names and degrading people. A child was born when I was11 my mom gave him up for adoption, 23 years later my son born from this sin has found me , he is now 30 years old WELL MY MOTHER LYED TO HIM AND SAID I WAS A WHORE AND GOT PREGNANT LEFT HIM ALONE FOR SOMEONE TO TAKE HIM AND I LEFT. I just found out today that they own a gun and I am scared of a really bad outcome for someone. I did it for years and years. I in fact reveled in control when the other person was out of it. Which blows my mind, because our friends all know we’re not. In the narcissist’s mind, the worst thing you can do to them is to ignore them. That’s what they’ve been using for leverage with you. I’m 9 yrs older. It sounds like you’ve got the right handle on dealing with your father. I could never understand why he wasn’t doing all he could to comfort me because had the roles have been reversed I would have done everything to help. He insisted on performing at the wedding. I was almost confused and forgot what I was upset about after 30 minutes of the martial arts of distraction by him. He called police told them I Had attracted him! His ignoring is also affecting the relationship between our children. Here’s the place to start. I was shocked, and at that point there was little that rattled me (I was numb). done crying about it time to move on. Best Wishes Sharron. Don’t get me wrong. They are in it for the feed. I felt like a nothing, a nobody. It is all very hurtful because I grew up alone and I feel denigrated because of them. Whenever they are around you, you keep your opinions and feelings to yourself, and stroke their ego at every turn, by offering assurances that they are just perfect the way they are. She has convinced my brother that all of his sisters are mean to her and insist now that he not show any affection to his sisters. I lost pictures, videos I made of our son. I am starting to worry for my brother he copes with her by drinking there is so much more but too much it’s overwhelming to handle. yes, we have to STOP being the enabler and for me it has started. He’s bullied me away from participating in cub scouts. It completely caught me off guard. It’s exhausting dating a narcissist.. On the surface, they’re charming, captivating and make you feel like a million dollars. Thank you so much for your time, it is greatly appreciated. I am 63 and would qualify for medicaid if put in nursing home, but font have heart to do this. Even the narcissist was amazed at my enabling capabilities. These people are the most dangerous out there. If anyone can let me know what I can do to stop, what I think is really possible, someone from getting hurt or God forbid death I would appreciate it He sentme an email telling me he took all my things to thedump. He also had Guillain-Barre and became paralyzed at the age of 10. She will say yes, we will talk, she may even have a notion of self awareness, I can understand a little more about why she is the way she is, my compassion for her will grow & I can let it go more easily next time she gets abusive, or I may even be able to explain to her that her brother and me will have to set some boundaries. I told her she was always right snd she said if I talk that way she is not going to help— very greedy and controlling. My fiancé ends up getting abused all the time. You feel like your head is constantly spinning and when you start to make sense of things and they figure out you are on to them, they take off, they abandon you and every single vulnerability that you have, they play on them. The tears, exasperation, loneliness etc is worth not having to experience the Narcissistic Cycle…for life. Starting [...]. All the while making me feel worthless! Annette, Thank you for your feedback and your comment. I just hope this guy doesn’t spend his life harrassment you because you took your life back. The fact is I was loyal and kind, but he literally has no sense of humour. Brother knows our mother treat him with respect and treats me with no respect. Do not allow the narcisist to control your spirit, stay strong. It’s been like living with a black-out drunk for the past 5 years, as he doesn’t remember anything I’ve said to him due to poor listening skills. whenever i said I love you, she would ask why? If you want to HELP a narcissist, you must stop enabling them. If this is a disorder and not his fault, I don’t want to be angry with him. Then, when they’re done saying whatever they have to say, take aim at a direction and go do that instead. Question for you if I may, how would you deal with a person with NPD in the workplace? I filed for divorce after 5.5 yrs. just got away from one of these types. She asked if I was working or could get off to come to family dinner, I said I wasn’t working and I’d be bringing Julian. My self esteem was the lowest it had ever gotten. He is the definition of a toxic narcissist. Yes he’s a full blown NPD person. Since everything is going the way the narcissist wants things to go, there is no need for abuse. If they’re hot and cold with you, be hot and cold with them. Rather than pandering to them or fighting with them, admit to yourself that it’s not your problem, that you don’t have to do anything about it. If it’s a disorder, and there’s a cure, I can try to wait it out, but not for long. I didn’t and that when things had gotten really bad. That was a little over a year ago and not a word since. I was married to the man of my dreams he was my first LOVE. After Hospitalization and physical therapy he rebounded very quickly. I lost weight, I started smoking and I pretty much lost my mind. But seems to not have much to give to me and our Sons. My oldest Son has had some issues as he has grown, impulsive behavior, Asberger type behavior and now my he has all the personality traits of NPD. I believe she has npd.she says she is right about everything, can’t stand to be alone and very controlling. Still controlling. I can sit here and go on and on, but I won’t because I’m getting angry. I’m tired of trying to dodge landmines. I am now seeking a lawyer for help. Is there any advice you can give for handling this please? Does a Married Narcissist Ever Leave His Wife? wow zari!!!! We can’t be everything to everybody and if he’s doing this now, can you imagine what he’ll be doing as an adult? Once you have experienced a sociopath once, you really will never tolerate another. I literally did not put it down over two or three days. I hope that with all my documentation I have, I can proof what’s happening. I am nothing to him. Time to shine the light of the curious scientist on yourself. Most of all my personal belongings were damaged. It’s also the way the narcissist treats you. Neither are they. I’ve been married to my husband for twenty years. This is obviously someone your daughter rejects so why would you be worried about taking care of him? Yes, you are at peace, we are all at peace when the N decides to finally make his disappearing act final. “Because I’m an idiot”, I’d say. That is until I stood up to her. Be awake, close to God and educated ….it’s the key for battle. Stop enabling narcissistic adult children Narcissistic adult children demand you do what they want, try to control you, push every boundary, throw temper tantrums, blackmail you by withholding their love or your grandchildren, try to bribe you with sweetness and affection when they want something, and blame their behavior on you. He is a Senior and will be going to College next year. I just want to move on with my life. On the other hand, they’re manipulative, self-centered and don’t care about your feelings.. I’d lost weight, been unable to sleep, and written letter after letter trying to get him to respond but to no avail. Thank you for writing and I have a feeling that you know exactly what to do if he does return again. He loves it. The only path with hope is to stop giving them anything, to demand civil behavior or to cut off contact. i would always be dumbfounded with her response. I choose to not tell my sisters what I went through. Thank you so much for your message I appreciate it. “Wow” is right. Our codependency to the narcissist and to the relationship drama itself has almost has as much to do with our allowing it as it does with the narcissist’s manipulation. I have tried to be diplomatic in alerting the Director of the company of this, together with my attorney, but bullying came out of the conversation. Since he tried and you so obviously rejected his advanced, I suspect he’s done. Of course, I essentially dealt with this major event alone with no support from my BPD spouse. Brother passed 2 yrs ago and left all money to wife.told me 3 different times leaving money to help with mom. This happened after the “a-ha” moment and about four years before we broke up. The Narcissist can only get the supply that you are willing to give them. You might also have heard about how people who are narcissistic can be controlling, emotionally draining, and unpleasant to be around. God bless! Dear Dr K. Why do you love me? I always figured I could do whatever I wanted and you’d still take me back!”  My reaction? He had wanted me to give up the dowry rights to our home. I don’t know how, but somehow she knows all my buttons, all my self doubt, and she doesn’t hesitate to use them against me if I cross her.”. I understand that it reminds you of the abuse and, in a very twisted way, his hoovering after such a long time was intended to do this. They never protected me and enabled his abuse so honestly, fuck them. Over 30 years I’ve had many upsetting times with her with me feeling not part of family. And they don’t understand your issues with how they are, simply because they lack empathy and view your issues as your problem. The truth of the matter is – and this applies to any situation where we get that uncomfortable feeling – whatever we allow is what will continue. But more importantly I am actually still in the exact position I was in the beginning of the relationship. I do have an attorney. It’s him not me. He sat in the middle of the back yard raging. Then a week later an I love email ? My one sister who has been painted as the enemy went over and hugged my brother who was so happy for the gesture so much so one of my other sister took a picture with him smiling from ear to ear. The second part is when you establish a strong boundary. I was amazed that this was an actual condition and that another human being had experienced the very same torment I had. They recently convince my. The narcissist may be on their best charming behaviour (because there’s more to gain that way) and the “best friend” may be susceptible to the over the top admiration-bombing. What no contact does is make the distance between his hoovers and appearances longer so that you can get stronger. My vehicle has been scraped up, dented, tires punctured etc. Silent Treatment Appreciation – Part 2 (of 3-Pt Series), Sex, Lies and The Narcissistic Personality, A Sociopath Exposes the Narcissist – (Part 2/3). Well he had me stay home with our kids and wouldn’t let me work. I have not left because my Son’s think he is the greatest and would choose to stay with him, because they know he is the breadwinner and I guess they think we would be destitute if they were with me. He has NEVER complimented me in the 5 years that we have been together, and is very uncomfortable when others compliment me around him. I guess where I have the most trouble is trying to remain calm & logical. I read her book ‘when love is a lie’ two years ago. When it came to my emotions and talking about verbal abuse or his need to control my outfits etc. Besides financial, this is affecting my health. 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